small things that aren't small (and a 2023 recap)

(I started writing this post in October, and continued this at the end of December. There might be some style differences. At first I wanted to write briefly about an event, but at this point, I am turning this into my 2023 recap).

Hi. Hello.

The idea initially appeared during an event I was a part of last weekend (I start writing this on October 26, let's see when I will post this). But before that, let's rewind a little.

That working visa was finally in my hand. Just a few good days before my graduation. I was finally able to go back to Chiang Rai and work as a teaching staff in Xavier Learning Community. On September 22, I officially started a new chapter after ending my graduate school era. 

And ever since I arrived on that sunny Friday in September, a lot have been happening. The first days felt like a fever dream. A month prior to my arrival, I was still in the stage of uncertainty and doubt whether I would make it or not. Whether I would start a new chapter 3312 kilometers away from my hometown or not. But things did get better. The clouds slowly faded away and I could eventually see the blue sky.

Like, literally

I got here and quickly adapted to the community life I was once a part of. The sunsets and the night skies, the warm welcomes and bright smiles from everyone I know immediately remind me how I fall in love with XLC in the first place. And this time, I will be able to live with that longer than a tourist visa would allow me. 

the first few weeks

(Lol here we are months later)

Months have passed since I started this writing. It's December now, but I still want to publish this writing. And ever since I started this on October 26, many things have happened.

I'll start with the initial idea of where this idea came from.

There's a particular event that I would like to tell the story of. This happened exactly a month after my arrival, on October 21 - 23, to be exact.

What happened in that three-day event once again reminds me of what one is capable of, and how we never know how big of an impact one can have in another someone's life. A little appreciation will affect people. The said event also cured my longing of being a-committee-that-walks-15,000-steps-a-day.

My last event was in 2019 (I recapped everything in this post), but then covid hit and everything stopped. Turns out, I missed making schedules and ensuring everything will go as planned. I missed talking to people outside of classroom context.

So, some high school students came to XLC and participated in the English Camp, a three-day event that consisted of ice breakings, games, performances, and a walk-rally. This is an event where there is schedule inside the schedule. 

What started to be a little help turned into something bigger, and I was beyond happy with that. I love doing this job, and I miss doing events. It was a much-needed break from course outlines and power-points. The rehearsals of the event started days before the D-Day. 

One of the challenges was the stationed activity. I did that when I was in my freshmen year in college, both as a participant and a committee. Stationed activity is the number one reason why a schedule could be delayed. When I find out that one of the activities is stationed games like that, I put on my thinking cap and started listing. In addition to the students some some staff, we also got a hand from some Australian friends, which were wonderful. 

Long story short, we all finished that event. The good and the bad, the annoyance and the happiness. They were all there as a part of the learning process. But one thing stood out more than the others. 

The title 'small things that aren't small' is the first thing that came to mind when it happened. 

When we did things 'just because' and then there were people who appreciate that; who thanked you for that; who said you had done a wonderful job; who said that 'we should learn from you,' these words affected us beyond what we can comprehend. It's like having people point out the obvious because we grow familiar with it, but after they point them out, we were like, "Right..."

I still remember that day of sitting silently in a closing mass, hearing words coming from one of the fathers who presented the mass. He thanked the committee and those who work behind the scenes. It meant so much to me. I am so used to working behind the scenes during my college years, it feels strange to have someone credited the work.

(this is something that i started writing in October, but I want to keep it that way.) 

There's this indescribable gratefulness for the people I have met during the last first month of my life in Thailand. Whether I met them for 3 days or 30 days, they will forever be a part of my life.

I once wrote:

"Last Christmas I wrote, "The amount of love I've received this year is immeasurable. Thank you so much for everyone who makes my year so special 💙"

And I'm forever grateful that the amount of love if not doubled, has tripled or quadrupled at this point.

There are definitely ups and downs, laughter and tears, but I'm glad those happened bcs I wouldn't be in the place I am right now, or the person I am today without those shittiest or proudest moments of my life.

I meet so many wonderful souls who bless my life with their presence in my life. People who make my life better because they're in it. I'm glad I cross paths with so many amazing, kind, strong, loving and humble people along the way.

It is said that we haven't met everyone in our life. We're just getting started in a book we call life 🌼" (wrote that in mid 2023)

I am glad that what I write is still true to this day. And hopefully it will still be true.

English Camp 2023, recapped

***

Now, where were we? By the time I continued this, it's already 31st of December.

And I have stopped celebrating new year joyfully. For years it's been in silence and reflection. I think as I grow older, new year means new challenges. I mean, we are getting older and questions such as "What have I done?" "What did I do this year?" "How's my goal?" start haunting us more than the fireworks and the trumpet sound on the new year's eve.

It's bizarre how the first half of 2023 was me panicking about my master's and visa, uncertainty, and the final one-third of 2023 is me starting a new chapter in another country. I remember in my 2022 recap, I wrote how gradschool started off tough and I was even planning to resign, I didn't plan on rushing my graduation, but things changed as soon as I had the intention to come back to Chiang Rai. One goal in mind was to finish the master's, and then start the visa application. The latter was tough af. I learn how to be patient during those couple of months. In that period, I was ready to bury that dream. I was ready to find another job. But that would be a lie. Thank God things worked out.

I feel like in 2023 I have three chapters: finishing my master's, struggling with visa, then my working chapter. Those are the big events. But, in between those, I also found wonderful friendships, people, interactions, a lot of things. 

All those decisions bring me to this present moment. I am writing this from my office, it's almost midnight, it's 19 degree Celsius. There are more, but I will let these photos tell the story: 

This is what uncertainty could do: I went to Chiang Rai from June to July because I was running out of patience. Now I can say that it was so reckless of me to do that. But I guess I did not regret it that much.

This is before my (real) departure to Thailand. I spent time with some friends and I had my graduation ceremony.

October-November 2023, recapped.

November-December 2023, recapped

Chiang Mai Trip, 24-26 December 2023

miscellaneous photos from 2023 

***

2023 is definitely a year where I grow so much. I saw a post saying:

"A year ago, everything was different. And now that I look back, I realize that a year can do a lot to a person."

I saw that around early December, marking my one year when I first came to XLC for my internship that altered my path. The offer that came after the internship, my desire to finish my gradschool as soon as possible, and boom—here I am today.

It's crazy how there are so many things that happened in 2023. It took me some time to gather all the photos to put into collages, but it is worth the effort. It is a trip down memory lane at the end of 2023 (and early 2024 as I am finishing this in early January).

I am grateful for everything that happened in 2023. Some experiences were tougher than the others, some experiences were fonder than the others, but all those make me the person I am today. I met new people, I experienced new things, and I visited new places.

My new year resolutions used to be so complicated, but as I grow, I would like to simplify them. I want to live to the fullest. Live in the moment, be happier, and be a better person. I make mistakes, I take a wrong turn, it happens. But now it is more on how I learn from them and not to repeat it again. 

I am so lucky to have wonderful people in my life: people that I either have known for a month or have been there since I was in high school or have been in my life since we found out we both love Taylor Swift. 

I couldn't describe how 2023 have shaped me. I am ready for 2024, can't wait to experience new places and new things this year.

Vina Kanasya

January 2nd, 2024

10:23 pm