a note to myself
March 9, 2021 a note to myself This is a day before my graduation ceremony, or should I say, less than 12 hours. A few hours ago I attended my graduation night via Zoom. I didn't expect it to be emotional; but there I was holding my tears while the operator put my frame and 2 other frames in the highlight when it was announced that I was the second best graduate of my study program. I turned off my camera as soon as the event moved on because I was legit crying. Never in my life had I imagined by achievement would be celebrated, and not criticized; would be applauded and not booed. I have been keeping this to myself for 4 years. Something I never talked about; something that barely sees the broad daylight: I always feel bad for my achievement I feel bad for getting an A in hard subjects I feel bad for getting an A where a lot of my friends didn't get one I feel bad for performing excellent in the class I feel bad for being happy after I did good I feel bad for getting a compli