3 years, 9 months, 12 days later
(This post was supposed to be posted on June 2, 2021) - and here I am, literally 3 weeks later. The feels might have disappeared, but the memories will never.
August 21, 2017 - June 2, 2021
That is 3 years, 9 months, and 12 days. From my first day in college to the day I defended my final thesis.
Yeah, I just defended my thesis on Wednesday, June 2, 2021
I couldn't thank you enough for everyone who has been and still is supporting me to this day. My family, my friends, my lecturers, and so many amazing amazing people in my life have brought me to the point where I stand right now.
Last month, six of my close friends defended their thesis. I didn't post about them, but it was delightful. I couldn't stop smiling. Then it came to me that I needed to finish my thesis too, as soon as possible. I want to register myself in May so I could defense in June. I started working harder on my thesis and sent the full draft to my advisor, Ms. Ndari, about a week before the due date. On the days towards the Eid Al-Fitr holiday, I was in a wreck. I didn't think I would get my advisor's approval.
I think that was on Wednesday before the Eid-Fitr holiday, I came to her office and I told her that I was so scared, I really wanted to register myself for a thesis defense in June, which meant I had to finish everything in May. However, I messed up and became so hesitant about my research questions. She said, "You're doing such a great job. Even if you don't make it this month, people know that you are an excellent student, above average. It's okay. Now go home, sleep, and come back here tomorrow, okay?"
And that was exactly what I did.
I cried. I couldn't express my exact feeling at the very moment. Before we parted way, Ms. Ndari hugged me and assured me that I am going to be okay, that I'll make it through. Then I went home and slept. When I woke up, I thought, "I couldn't be happier. Having her as my advisor is probably one of the best things that happened to me in 2020."
The same day I talked to her was the same day I asked to take a break from my job in the library. The lady who hired me agreed and said that my study should really be my main priority.
The following day, I came back to my advisor's office and talked to her. I was way more relaxed than the previous day. She gave me some advice and for the next couple of days, I worked on my thesis again, with stronger determination.
A week before the due date, I sent her my full draft. I could relax a bit. Just a bit.
Until the day came, she said there were only some minor revisions, and I could proceed to the desk evaluation, or in other words, I could register for the thesis defense.
When I finally registered myself, I was able to go back to work at the library for about 2 days only to take another break as The 8th Undergraduate Conference was coming and I hadn't prepared anything. I said I needed to prepare for the conference and for my thesis defense.
Nearing the 8th Undergraduate conference, I was experiencing another mental breakdown. Like, I couldn't function properly. I just finished the full paper at around 2 am while the conference was at 8 am, and I would present at 11. When it was finally the time for me to present, my internet connection decided to joke around, and I got kicked out twice from the Zoom meeting. But I was so grateful that the moderator managed the session well by asking the third presenter to present first. And another thing that really made my day was that there are a lot of people in that parallel session. Prior to this conference and before the pandemic hit, I joined an international conference as part of the editing team and moderator in the D-Day. I know exactly how a parallel session would usually go. And that parallel session was a bomb.
In addition to the internet connection accident, my electricity went out during the third parallel session. What a day. But thankfully I got to order my favorite boba milk tea, which was the perk of attending the conference from the comfort of my home.
And after UC, I could finally focus 100% on my thesis defense. There was actually another thing, but I don't think it is time to talk about it now. Let me keep it for a bit before I am ready.
My thesis defense was scheduled for Wednesday, June 2, 2021, at 9 am. A day after Pancasila Day. I was the very first person to defend one's thesis for this June's batch. I just started making my presentation on Sunday and was supposed to send them to the secretariat on Monday. I finished working on it around 2 am on Monday (the presentation and the script). I slept, then in the morning (a few hours later), I texted my advisor, asking if she was available for a rehearsal. She said yes, and she was available after 1. So the whole day I was rehearsing before I practiced in front of her through Zoom.
I tried twice, and she gave me some advice on what to add or remove, then we ended the practice. I edited my presentation as soon as possible since I had to submit it to the secretariat. And after I sent the email, there was a bit of relief in my head. I still had the whole Tuesday to rehearse with a stopwatch and the presentation. That was my expectation. In reality, I couldn't sleep until 3 am and I just started rehearsing around 10 am. I did the best I could do, but the cycle was like this: I practiced once for 10 minutes, then watched YouTube for another 20 minutes, then felt guilty, practiced again once, went back to YouTube-repeat.
It went on and on like that until I felt like this was it. I closed my laptop and tried my best to go to bed.
I tried. The fact was, I was lying awake in my bed for hours. I think I wrapped myself in my blanket around 10 pm, but no matter how hard I tried to close my eyes, I just couldn't. Around midnight, I made a WhatsApp status saying, "I should've slept by now :")" and one of my friends replied saying I had to sleep. I guess I ended up sleeping around 3 am that day.
In the morning, my mom woke me up and prepared me breakfast. The day has finally come. I prepared my stuff, took my blazer, and headed straight to campus.
There was something that I actually kept to myself for maybe 3 days before my thesis defense. For some reason, I had been playing this song:
I didn't know why. Maybe it was just my anxiety taking over my mind and started having intrusive thoughts about dying. But yeah, that song stuck in my head for days before my thesis defense. And after all, nothing happened. I just feel that I need to put this out somewhere. But that song's fun to listen to as well.
Moving on dude. This post had been delayed for 3 weeks now :)))
When I arrived, I went straight to the secretariat to ask where I would do my thesis defense. Mbak Susan told me to head to the meeting room. I waited a bit and a student staff arrived there with a laptop that I'll be using. I set up the laptop, opened WhatsApp to get the link from Ms. Ndari. Funny story, the display name for the zoom at the time I entered zoom was somebody else's name, and when I changed it, the letter 's' in the keyboard was broken. I need to find 's' somewhere to copy and paste it for my display name lol.
This is me 30 minutes before the scheduled thesis defense.
I got to rehearse once with Ms. Ndari before the actual thesis defense. Then around 8.55, my examiners, Mr. Barli and Ms. Nanik entered the Zoom meeting. At 9 o'clock sharp, my thesis defense began for the next 50 minutes. After I finished presenting my thesis for 10 minutes, the session was followed with a QnA, and then Ms. Ndari put me in the waiting room for her and the examiners to have a deliberation. After the deliberation, my advisor invited me back in to deliver the news.
Then it was decided.
I deserved the S.Pd. degree.
I was speechless. I was so happy. I couldn't describe my feeling.
I got my bachelor's degree!
I was still sitting there after the meeting ended, wrapped in silence for another 5 minutes, reflecting on everything that had happened in the last 3 years and 9 months. I finally made it to the end of my undergraduate journey. I was and still am so happy for my achievement that day. I packed my stuff and headed out of the meeting room.
And for the rest of the day, I couldn't stop smiling.
That day, I finally realized that I really am loved by my friends. That was the happiest I've ever been in the last 9 months. A permanent smile on my face behind the mask literally was there the whole time. So many people came and celebrated my thesis defense that day. Here they are. (I hope those are all. I might have missed some because those photos are all over my drive. I haven't had time to organize them)
Actually, because I postpone this post, I get to post this photo:
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