A long-distance friendship

Hey! It's been a month since my last update here, and there is something I want write here. This is a story of how I build a long-distance friendship with someone I met through the internet.

Remember few post ago when I said I posted a fiction I have been working on somewhere on the internet under a pseudonym? From that platform, I got acquainted with someone. It was around July-August 2020. Her name is Gaby. We talked a bit and later found out that we both speak the Indonesian language. We often talk about the fiction she writes there on the platform and writing in general. We continued talking until one day she stopped posting on her account and didn't reply to my message.

Around early February, Gaby messaged me back and we talked again. She said that she's more active on her fan account on Instagram and somehow Instagram's algorithm brings her account to my explore page. I asked whether or not what I suppose as her account is really hers, and she said yes. I said I really love talking to her and ask if she's okay with me talking to her there and she agreed. She also followed me using her personal account.

Fast forward, we talk almost everyday via DM and I really feel like Gaby has become one of my closest friends. She attended the same major as I do now, English Education, but in her own hometown, and we both use writing as a therapy. We talked a lot, from writing ideas, her master degree, my bachelor degree, how our day has been going, or what she is writing in her fics. She's a teacher and a post-grad student. And she also runs an active fan account. She's amazing. She's such an inspiration for me.

Having Gaby around is very fun and makes me genuinely happy. She was there during my darkest days of my life; times where I had been going to a therapist and a psychiatrist. When I feel the world is turning its back on me, I have her. When I experienced an anxiety attack one time and none of my friends was available for a talk, I messaged her and she replied, comforting me, telling me to calm down. She has become an important part of my overall struggle for the last couple of months. I wouldn't be able to make it this far without her.

One time I was being super melancholic and decided to messaged her a long-ass paragraph about the situation I was facing and how grateful I am to have her in my life, to have her as a friend. A best friend I never thought I would have. We chatted a little more, and I asked her to search for a song by Ben Platt entitled "In Case You Don't Live Forever."

I said that the lyrics sum up everything I want to say to her and everyone who have helped me get through.

***

Last month, April 2021, I emboldened myself to ask for her address because I wanted to send her a package, like a thank you gift. I was so excited about the package and so glad that she likes it too. She made a story on Instagram and gave a little story about how we met and she also put some encouraging and very kind words there which made me tear up a little.

In the following weeks, she too asked for my address saying she wanted to send me a token of friendship. When the package arrived, I was left wordless. I made an unboxing video which only she, God, and I knew. I also did some little photo shoots with the package. If you remember me, I was and still am an amateur photographer since high school lol.

She bought me a 'new normal' package consisting a foldable cup, a cutlery set, stainless straws, a corona finger, a bottle of hand sanitizer, and a mask. I can't be happier. Like, that is so thoughtful of her :") I immediately washed the cup, the cutlery, and the stainless straws and put them in my bag--my everyday backpack. And so did the corona finger and the hand sanitizer. I washed the mask and wore it in the following day.

I said to her I've always wanted a cutlery set I can bring everyday, but still considering it because it is not really that urgent, more like a desire. But then her package came and I have a cutlery set from her. It consists of a pair of stainless chopsticks, a spoon, and a fork. If you remember me, I used to be so vocal about zero waste life style on my Instagram. Telling how I use my own cup to buy juice or my lunchbox to buy takeouts, using stainless straws, and reusable shopping bag or ask for a box instead of plastic bags. Although I no longer do that on my Instagram, I still do everything I could during my daily life. And the package from her really helps me to do more and more to save the earth.

***

Around the early days of May, I experienced another downhill in my life. I was so anxious about everything and decided that I would uninstall Instagram for a week or two for the sake of my mental health. However, I was facing a dilemma too. I talked to Gaby only through DM on Instagram and if I uninstall Instagram, I will not be able to talk to her. So I asked her permission if she's okay with me sending her a message through WhatsApp and she agreed. Our conversation moved to another platform.

One random day, I asked her about what she missed the most about my hometown and what her favorite thing is. She mentioned a name of a certain kind of food that can only be found in my hometown (I suppose). I said I would send her some as a celebration of me (finally) finishing my thesis. I didn't really get the chance to until about 5 days after I asked her. Because what I was sending was some kind of a ready-to-eat food that will go stale in 3 days, I needed it to arrive in 24-30 hours. I know this certain expedition that offers same day shipment that I never used before. I downloaded the apps, and just took the risk to create a new shipment. Glad they also offered pick-up service. And it was so f fast too. The package arrives there in 26 hours.

Three days after I sent her the food, out of nowhere she asked me if I was home or not. That was exactly the same thing I said to her when her package from me was about to arrive. Guess what, she sent me some sweets too as a celebration from her. This time, she ordered something in my hometown and delivered it to my house. Sometimes I think how technology has a really great role in our friendship. A long-distance friendship we build. And you guess it, another photo shoot coming right up.

(pardon the exact same setting, that's the only representative background I have which are also easy to set up)

She sent me a package filled with cookies that are so delicious. She said, "Consider those are from Bumblebakes."(it is a bakery owned by her main character in her fiction she writes). And funny story, she added a note to be written on the card. BUT it was also written on the receipt that sticks to the paper bag the delivery man gave me :))

***

It's May 18 when I get to this part. It's midnight. I should've slept earlier since I'll be back working at the library tomorrow morning, or this morning to be exact, but I really want to get this done. I've postponed writing this for a while. I actually wanted to make this when I receive the second gift Gaby sent me, but it was a bit chaotic for me, doing some revisions and waiting for an approval from my thesis advisor.

I am super grateful to have such a great friend like Gaby. One thing that is still unbelievable is that we met through the internet, one thing I used to avoid at all costs during high-school. I still remember the day we talk for the first time. I was doing my teaching practice in a public high-school, and while doing my lesson plan, I sent her an anonymous ask under a clover emoji, and she was interested in what I was talking about. I gathered some courage and sent her a text. Never had I imagine that she talks the same language as I do. Then we both found out that we both are English Education students. Well, she had graduated, and I still pursuing my bachelor degree. But English Education nonetheless.

She's there for me, during my downhill, during my dark days. Gaby is a very kind and wonderful soul that literally deserves the world. I really wish I get to meet her one day. I don't think she understands how she has helped me get through everything. When I got an anxiety attack, and didn't feel like contacting my friends, I sent her a text and she's there, replying my text, calming me down.

Dear Gaby,

Thank you so much for the friendship we have built. You are such a light in a dark tunnel. You're such a kind soul. I don't think you understand how much you have helped me. You're such an inspiration for me. I know I have said that so many times, but I'll keep saying it because it's the truth. I wish you the best, may the perfect door be opened for you. I really wish I get to meet you one day. After all this chaos that is happening in the world right now. Remember when I randomly said you appeared in my dream? It felt so real (idk if I can lucid dream, but it might be a partial lucid dream, I googled it once). We met, we talked, and had a great conversation and some kind of a tour around my hometown.

I just want to let you know that I might not be as strong as I am today if it's not because of you. I am not exaggerating. You're there when I am the weakest, you're there, replying to my messages when I got an anxiety attack one night. It means so much to me. I love you so much, thank you for being there for me. I hope you don't mind me writing this whole thing on my personal blog.

And Gaby, this following song is for you

"When I'm too hard on myself
I don't ask for help
When I'm not okay
I push you away (minus this part, okay? xD)
But you pull me close
'Cause you always know
How to love me when I don't." - Pentatonix

 

Virtual Hugs, 

 

Vina Kanasya

 

May 18, 2021

12:26 am (I really need to sleep now lol)