Don't Let The Light Go Out

Panic! At The Disco - Don't Let The Light Go Out

Hi. Hello.

I don't usually write about music or a song, but when I heard this song, I immediately know that I am going to write something about it.

When Panic! At The Disco released their Viva Las Vengeance album, I didn't listen to it right away though I really like the first single that has been released a couple of months prior. One fine afternoon, I decided to listen to the whole album. I believe that an album is not just an album, it's an experience, so I gotta free my time to listen to it, or at least not put it as background music while doing chores.

I sat through the first and second tracks despite having listened to them multiple times (even the first track made it to my 'On Repeat' Spotify playlist, and it is still there when I start writing this on October 13). Then the third track played, which apparently was the fourth and final single they released before the whole album. The song title was "Don't Let The Light Go Out."

I haven't heard that song since it was released as a single, and after I finished listening to the song that afternoon, I froze.

It sounds and feels like home. Or in other words, I think that's how a home should sound like. I repeated the song a couple of times because it is very calming and peaceful if that makes sense. I immediately fell in love with that song.

The only thing that prevented me from crying was the fact that I was listening to that song in a coffee shop. I opened YouTube and searched for the music video. Here are some of the comments:

"This is absolutely amazing, made me cry. My mom passed away in May and this song with the lyrics “ who’s gonna drive me home tonight?” It hit me hard. And just everything makes me sad. Thank you Brendon for helping me through this rough time," the top comment said.

"It hits the heartstrings." 

"The first time I heard this song, I fell in love. It’s one that feels with me so many emotions, about both loss I’ve experienced and loss I never want to experience. Keep doing what you do Brendon, no matter what anyone says. You have an amazing talent," another person commented.

***

The song definitely opened up to various interpretations, and there are some articles on the internet talking about the song too. One article describes that this song is about a relationship where one person is dying. 

Genius phrased it: "This one’s a sweeping ballad that finds PATD mastermind Brendon Urie sitting beside a loved one’s hospital bed, begging for them to pull through."

My first interpretation is more or less similar. I think for the first listen, everyone will have more or less the same interpretation. This is a song about a loved one who was in their hospital bed, either in a critical condition or a comma, while the other one was waiting, holding their hand until a nurse asked them to leave.

Right off the bat, I feel like the song indicates a goodbye. Then the song continues:

Imagine sitting in a hospital room, watching our loved one lying on the bed in front of us. They're in a state between life and death, and we can't do anything about it. Every second passes slowly, but every time we still see their heart still beating from the heart rate monitor, it helps us through.

Thousands of pictures come to our heads. Every single memory that we have with them played like a movie. Then the chorus of the song questions the situation if the worst scenario would happen:

Although we sometimes had arguments with our loved ones, we still love them very dearly. They're the ones who understand us the best, and they are the reason why we can function as human beings daily. Our mothers, fathers, and siblings, maybe cousins, aunts and uncles, and sometimes grandparents, and also best friends and partners. That part hits hard. I am not gonna write that further. If you know, you know. Hug them tight, fellas. Especially if they are the reason we are doing what we do now, whether it's school, college, master's program, or jobs. 

The chorus plays:

Wishing they'll make it through, and come back to us.

The song then continues:

The worst scenarios start to appear and it got us thinking: maybe we should've apologized before it was too late. Or have we taken them for granted all this time? The thought of continuing life without our loved ones haunts us. 

The song ends with the chorus and post-chorus that repeats the question and the wish altogether:

***

My first interpretation was the loved ones passing away, so the lyric, "Don't let the light go out" is like a mantra. It is us convincing ourselves and trying not to let the memories of them and their spirit die after they're gone. Another interpretation I have is that it could also be, it's them definitely not wanting us to fall into the pit of darkness after they're gone. They would want us to continue our lives, so don't let our spirits die.

After some more readings on the internet, some also interpret "Don't let the light go out" as 'please make it through, don't die.'

This website wrote:

"Therefore, 'don’t let the light go out' is a scream directed to the person he loves: don’t leave this world, stay with me, because the perspective of living without loving you feels like death." 

The line "Don't let the light go out" can really be interpreted in so many ways, even beyond what the internet has said.

Besides the literal interpretation of the song of being in a hospital and waiting in uncertainty, I also have another interpretation that I try to write as well.

After reflecting on a couple of things I've gone through in life, I have a pretty different interpretation of this song. It's still about losing someone, but not as in passing away, but as in not crossing paths anymore or letting them go.

Have you ever heard of the phrase 'someone is dead to me'? we usually say that when someone, maybe one who we used to love or who was our best friend, disappoints us in some ways that are so unacceptable, we don't want them in our life anymore. Or just when we make the difficult decision of cutting ties with people we actually love but unfortunately, they are too toxic to keep around. 

It is never easy to let someone that used to be a part of our life go, but sometimes, it is the best way. 

If it's someone we used to love (doesn't always have to be a romantic relationship, this one applies in friendship too), that 'losing' could drag us to the lowest point possible and leave us in a mess. A mess that may last for days, weeks, sometimes months, or could be years. But as time goes by, we have to pull ourselves together to go back to reality. We start reassuring ourselves that we have to rise again. Fall down seven times, stand up eight, they say. We shouldn't be staying in the dark and we have to start over. We shouldn't let our spirit die, and therefore, do not let the light in your life go out. Sorry if this is a bit far-fetched.

Every time this song plays, especially when I am on the way somewhere, it really calms me down. There is something about this song that is so peaceful and soothing. I would sing the whole thing in my head. As one of the comments in the music video said:

"This song is so raw and emotional...it can make you: wanna slow dance, cry in a ball on your bed, look at a loved one's photo after they're gone, and make you think about those moments when you're alone (driving back home at night)."

And this song definitely hits the heartstrings.

This is a song I never thought I would love so much. The beauty of vulnerability and just letting us be humans. The truth is, even the strongest person you know can still be vulnerable too, no matter how strong they seem to be.

Talking about vulnerability, I am so glad I could finally come to terms with my feelings and emotion, especially vulnerability. We all have emotions, whether those are negative or positive, and it is such an epiphany knowing that nothing should make us feel bad for having those feelings and emotions, especially the negative ones. And those are what make us human.

The books "The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down" and "Love For Imperfect Things" by Haemin Sunim feel like a handbook of life to me. I sometimes re-read the narration in those books, reminding myself to slow down, breathe, and be calm in this busy world. One that contributes the most to the mindset that I have now (about validating feelings and acknowledging them) is this one:

"The most frequently asked question is how to deal with strong negative emotions, such as anger, hatred, and jealousy.

The good news is that those raising this question are already halfway there. The fact that they are asking the question indicates that they are mindful enough to notice the negative state of their own mind, which is not an easy thing to do. Most people are completely absorbed in their emotions and have limited self-awareness. The people who have asked me this question noticed what was happening in their minds as they were being swept into a whirlwind of negative emotions, slowed down, and then sent me a message." - The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, Haemin Sunim (p. 41)

Being aware of my negative emotions helps me cope with them. As weird as it sounds, I learn how to take a break and pull myself away from things that could possibly make me feel worse. Acknowledging my negative emotions also helps me make peace with my own monster and not let them take control of me. When I am aware that I am angry, upset, annoyed, or irritated, I take a step back and stop for a moment. 

There are countless occasions when I was so ready to release hate speech to the internet because I was so angry at someone or about something. Multiple curse words and aggressive sentences have been written, ready to be posted to the internet. But then I ask myself, "Will this make me feel better? Will this solve the problems?" and the answer is an absolute no. So, I backed up and deleted everything. Those aggressive sentences will never see the daylight. 

I stayed away from the internet and do other things until I feel better. Sometimes I would drown myself on YouTube or Pinterest, or some other times I would stay away from my phone and do chores as another distraction.

***

At this point, this post has been postponed for about 10 days. I started writing this on October 13, and today's October 23. To close this post, I want to share the live performance of Panic! At The Disco singing "Don't Let The Light Go Out" at the VMA, which hits harder than the music video for some reason. 

Cheers,

Vina Kanasya