Kindness
Hi. Hello.
Udah lama banget sejak postingan terakhirku di sini. Setahun yang lalu. Itu sebelum aku bikin a sudden post, which I post before my graduation ceremony 3 months ago. (dan semoga ga akan terjadi lagi, cuma post tiap blog ulang tahun xD)
Sebenernya, aku punya 2 draft tulisan yang hampir aku post di bulan Oktober. Yang satu berhenti di introduction, yang satu udah sempet aku post, tapi aku revert back jadi draft. Yang balik jadi draft itu udah jadi, tapi setelah aku pikir-pikir, kayaknya mending tulisan itu nggak ada yang baca. And those posts probably will never see the broad of daylight.
Aku juga nggak buat postingan rekap setahunku di bulan Desember. Pas ulang tahun juga nggak. Tapi tulisan ini pengen banget aku post. Mikirnya udah berbulan-bulan. Ngumpulin ceritanya juga udah sejak lama. So, here we go.
It all started with Eternals that I watched once when it entered Disney+, January 12, 2022
Gara-gara liat Eternals, aku jadi nonton ulang Cinderella (2015). Dan salah satu kutipan yang terkenal dari film Cinderella adalah:
So here we are. I really want to talk about kindness. Act of kindness and kind people. Aku pengen mulai dari kebaikan yang pernah aku terima, dan sangat memorable untuk aku.
Dulu waktu aku SD, aku ikut anter jemput, dan di antara anak-anak yang lain, rumahku arahnya paling beda. Trus one time, aku ditinggal sama mobil anter jemputku. Gak tau kenapa, pokoknya aku ditinggal aja. Kayaknya waktu itu aku masih kelas 2 SD. Trus aku ditanya sama salah satu orang tuanya temenku. It was a little blur, but I do remember that the father offered to drive me home, together with his son (who was my classmate). A 7-year-old me asked if he could drive me to my mom's office instead. And so he did. Now, my 23-year-old self is thinking: he could just leave and not offer help to me. Bapak itu bisa aja memilih untuk nggak peduli, dan pulang sama anaknya. But no, he cared about this little girl who was left behind and was thinking how to help her.
Dulu pas SMA, pas mau ikut DBL (yes I have told my DBL story so many times because that is my best high school memory), aku jadi kenal sama coach basketnya Stero, kami manggilnya Mas Mer. Suatu siang, aku dikabarin papa kalo papa nggak bisa jemput, jadi aku harus naik gojek. Itu posisinya di lobby sekolah, ada beberapa temen anak basket sama Mas Mer. Habis ngobrol sebentar sama semua orang disitu, aku pamit. Trus Mas Mer tanya, "Udah dijemput?" aku jawab, "Nggak, Mas, ini disuruh gojek," dan di luar dugaanku, Mas Mer bilang, "Sini bareng aku aja, toh aku juga mau ke kantor Radar Jogja, kan bisa lewat." Aku udah beberapa kali naik gojek, so it wasn't a big deal for me. But the fact that he, someone who just knew me for a maybe about 2 months, was kind enough to offer me that ride home. And I barely see him too. Kadang ketemu Mas Mer cuma hari Selasa sama Jumat, pas ada ekskul basket doang.
Akhirnya, siang itu aku pulang dianterin Mas Mer nyampe rumah. Sampe rumah, Mas Mer turun dan salam sama Papaku juga, which is pretty surprising to me. Ya mungkin ada yg mikir, orang lewat juga, pantes lah ditawarin dianter pulang. Tapi, Mas Mer punya pilihan untuk cuma bilang 'hati-hati ya' ketimbang nawarin pulang. But no, he offered to take me home. I'm guessing because he cared about me. About a 16-year-old girl going home alone. Dan sebenernya Mas Mer nggak perlu lewat jalan utama ke rumahku untuk ke Radar Jogja. Malah jatuhnya lebih jauh. Dari sekolah, Mas Mer bisa aja langsung lewat jalan Gejayan sampe mentok ring road ketimbang muter lebih jauh lewat jalan Monjali. His route wasn't exactly passing my house, though. He decided to put my house in his route.
Masih di SMA juga. Siang itu aku harus pulang pake Gojek lagi, dan yang dapet orderannya adalah mas-mas gojek yang udah pernah dapet orderanku juga untuk pulang. Jadi si mas ini udah hafal sama rumahku, pas dateng di sekolah juga hafal aku yang mana (you may think it was a bit creepy, but it made a lot of sense since he had got my order maybe 3 times at this point). Di jalan, tiba-tiba mas ini bilang, "Duh Mbak Vina, kayaknya ban saya gembos, nggak bisa nganter sampe rumah." Jadi si mas ini berhenti di deket tugu, minta aku turun, dan minta aku pesen gojek lain untuk anter aku pulang. Tugu itu bisa dibilang setengah jalan lah, dari sekolah ke rumah. Trus aku udah keluarin uang untuk bayar si mas ini, gimanapun juga kan aku merasa harus bayar. Tapi si mas ini menolak keras aku bayar, bilangnya dia kan nggak bisa menyelesaikan orderku. Kubilang 3 kali - dibalas 4 kali sama si mas ini, pokoknya gak mau dibayar. Dan masih bersikeras bilang, "Nggakpapa, udah Mbak Vina order aja, saya tunggu sampe dapet driver baru." Akhirnya aku pesen, nggak lama drivernya dateng. Akhirnya aku naik dan dianter pulang sama driver baru ini.
Mungkin ada yang mikir, ya emang seharusnya orang ini nggak terima bayaranku. Tapi aku merasa, gimanapun dia udah nganter setengah jalan kan. Udah jalan dari stero sampe tugu, masa aku nggak bayar? Menurutku, apa yang si mas itu lakukan, buat aku adalah salah satu bentuk act of kindness. I could be wrong or people may have different thoughts on this. But I believe what he did back then was kindness. Mungkin juga dia merasa nggak enak karena nggak menyelesaikan order, tapi aku juga merasa ngga enak udah dianter setengah jalan. Mungkin aku kurang gigih pengen bayar orang ini, but the person I was back then is definitely different with the person I am today.
Kejadian sama tukang gojek sebenernya masih ada beberapa. Aku bersyukur banget selama pake jasa gojek/grab selalu dapet orang-orang yang baik.
Di waktu yang lain lagi, si anak SMA ini butuh pulang pake gojek lagi, tapi bodohnya gak bawa hape. Akhirnya dipesenin pake hapenya temenku. Nunggu gitu ya, lama, eh tiba-tiba dapet notifikasi kalo 'driver is on the way with you' padahal aku masih berdiri sama temenku. Ternyata si abang gojek ini salah jemput orang, dan udah terlanjur jalan dengan penumpang yang salah. Akhirnya temenku pesen lagi, dan ongkos yg tadinya 10 ribu, jadi 12 ribu. Aku yang padahal udah sering pake gojek ini cuma punya sisa uang 10 ribu, karena emang biasa ongkos pulang segitu. Pas pesen ya cuma mikir, nanti suruh abangnya nunggu bentar, aku masuk rumah ambil uang dulu.
Begitu aku turun dari motor abangnya, (ini salah aku juga sebenernya) aku kasih uang 10 ribunya sambil bilang, 'bentar ya mas, 2 ribu nya aku ambil dari rumah dulu' si abang gojek bilang, "Udah Mbak, nggak usah nggakpapa. Terima kasih ya." Trus dia pergi. Ya bener juga daripada nungguin aku nyari uang 2 ribu di rumah, mending dia langsung pergi jemput orderan selanjutnya. But again, he definitely had the choice to stay there and waited for my money.
Kalo ini kejadian pas kuliah, awal-awal aku mulai naik motor sendiri ke kampus.
Satu waktu, aku udah mau pulang siang-siang, biasanya aku masih punya tenaga buat ke perpus, tapi siang itu aku capek dan pengen pulang aja. Udah keluarin kunci, dan ternyata ada motor Vario yang diparkir super mepet sama motorku (pijakan kaki penumpangnya juga nyangkut di motorku). Dan, Vario itu dikunci stang sama yang punya. Motor itu ada di kanan motorku, dan motor ini juga mepet sama motor sebelahnya. Dugaanku ini motor ngegeser2 motorku dan motor lainnya supaya bisa parkir disitu, dan jadinya terlalu mepet. Tapi udah gaada tenaga juga mau marah-marah, mau ngomel atau mau kesel. Pake acara dikunci stang itu yang bikin aku...speechless banget. Harus ada orang lain yang bantu nahan motor Vario dikunci stang itu agak ke kanan supaya aku bisa keluarin motorku. Dan tepat ketika aku udah bersiap mau narik bagian belakang motor agak ke kiri, ada orang lewat dan langsung tanya dengan logat bahasa Indonesia yang nggak biasa. "Mbaknya mau keluar ya?"
I guess he was a foreigner who learnt Indonesian language in Lembaga Bahasa.
Aku mengiyakan, dan orang yang barusan lewat itu bantu nahan vario itu ke kanan, sementara aku berusaha mundurin motor. Pijakan kakinya udah aku naikin, but it was still fricking tricky to bring my motorcycle out. Akhirnya motorku berhasil keluar, dengan bantuan orang itu.
"Terima kasih banyak ya Mas," kataku.
"Sama-sama Mbak."
Trus si mas itu pergi, masuk ke gedung kampus.
That man also had the choice to just ignore me and mind his own business. Mungkin aja dia ada janjian sama dosen atau ada kelas, but he decided to stop and help me get out of my problem.
Thank you for that man for helping me that day. And for whoever parked that red motorcycle, just don't do it again. Don't force your motorcyle in such a narrow space and lock it. For other motocycle users, please be considerate when paring your vehicle in a narrow space.
Pernah juga satu kali aku dibantuin orang baik pas aku belanja di Superindo.
Aku lupa tepatnya, tapi waktu itu aku belanja agak banyak dan tas belanja yang kubawa nggak cukup, jadi aku minta pake kardus. Mbak kasirnya kasih aku kardus yg dipake untuk ngepak air mineral 1 liter. Segede itu. Sebenernya aku udah biasa bawa kardus di motor, tapi waktu itu emang gede banget. Biasa mentok paling gede itu kardus mie instan. Akhirnya aku bawa kardus gede itu ke motor. Trus tukang parkirnya liat dan tanya, "Bisa bawanya nggak mbak?" dengan nada khawatir.
"Bisa kok Mas, udah biasa."
I was so wrong. Bahkan ketika aku mau naikin motor aja aku hampir jatoh. Dan pas mau jatuh itu masnya yang bilang, "Iket belakang aja ya, Mbak. Bahaya di jalan nanti."
Posisi parkir motor di Superindo itu kaya agak turun gitu, jadi pas mau mundur naik gitu permukaannya. Si mas ini akhirnya narik motor aku, dan maksa supaya kardus itu diturunin, dan dia minta temennya ambil tali rafia sama gunting dari dalem toko. Mas nya suruh aku turun dari motor, dan dia sama temennya ngiket kardus itu di motorku pake rafia tadi.
I was stunned. This wasn't even their job, they didn't need to do that.
Aku keluarin uang 20 ribuan dari tas, mau aku kasih ke mereka. Habis mereka selesai memastikan kardus itu terikat dengan aman di motorku, mereka suruh aku naik. Dan setelah udah aman, masnya bilang, "Nah gitu kan aman mbak." Trus aku ulurin uang itu ke masnya sambil bilang, "Bagi dua, ya, Mas."
Masnya pertama kirain aku mau bayar parkir, makanya dia suruh aku bayar aja di pintu keluar. Aku ulang lagi kalimatku barusan, kubilang, "Untuk masnya, dibagi 2 ya." Mas nya bingung, nggak mau terima pertamanya, tapi aku paksa. Dia bilang terima kash dengan wajah sumringah. "Makasih banyak, Mbak." Trus aku denger dia teriakin temennya yang tadi bantuin itu.
I was sure they had smile on their face. And so did I.
***
Aku merasa bahwa dalam hidup, aku hampir selalu ketemu orang-orang baik, orang-orang yang super helpful. Nggak harus kenal, kadang orang asing yang aku temui dalam hidup sehari-hari juga baik. Sesederhana orang di jalan yang ngingetin kalo kita lupa naikin standart motor atau tas kita kebuka (aku udah ngalamin keduanya). The good things that you do to to people; the act of kindness you do to people, will eventually come back to you.
Mungkin bakal terlihat aneh kalo trus aku membahas hal baik apa yang pernah aku lakuin ke orang lain, ke temen, ke keluarga. But there are some that I really want to share, with a hope that those may inspire you all.
Salah satu hal yang nggak boleh lupa kalo aku lagi pesen sesuatu online atau pake jasa taksi online adalah ngasih tips lebih ke orangnya. Aku tau budaya tips bukan budaya orang Indonesia, apalagi dengan mindset emang itu udah kerjaan mereka. But isn't that beautiful when simple things you do can put a smile on other people's face? Mungkin yang satu ini juga belum tentu semua orang bisa relate atau melakukan. But if you are someone who has more than enough; who earns a bit more than those people; who are privilieged enough not to worry about breakfast, lunch and dinner; who are lucky enough to have working parents who can provide you financial stability; who has a job with stable income; who has money in your back account to make you feel secure; who has a side hustle to give you extra cash; spare just a little bit to give them. Sedikit dari kita, berarti buat mereka.
I told my therapist about this long long ago back when I was still going to therapy, and I kid you not, at the end of my session, my therapist cried. My therapist told me, "Jangan berhenti berbuat baik, Vina. Dunia butuh lebih banyak orang sepertimu."
I was shocked, to say the least. Something that I think is so regular, that I have been doing my whole life, legit makes someone cried.
***
At this point, this post has been postponed for months, by the way.
Aku mulai buat tulisan ini bulan Februari, dan sekarang Juni. Bentar lagi blog ultah lagi. Bukan bentar lagi, udah lewat. Today's June 29, 2022.
Udah terlalu banyak yg terlewat, tapi aku tetep pengen tulisan ini publish.
Dan selama kurun waktu tersebut, there are more and more act of kindness that I do and receive. I would love to share some those.
Salah satunya kejadian hari Selasa, 7 Juni 2022.
Back to June 7. Hari selasa itu aku dateng dan cuma pesen satu. Aku gatau Via mau dateng jam berapa, dan itu posisinya agak rame. Jadi aku nawarin ke ibu itu biar punya Via aku ambil, aku bayar dulu. Ketimbang dia datengnya ngga pasti jam berapa dan takut si ibu udah mau balik. Ternyata habis aku bilang mau aku ambil, Via dateng.
Aku balik ke motor, mau ke kampus. Jadi aku parkir di arah utara tempat ibu jualan, Via parkir di arah selatan. What I didn't know was that I park my motorcycle near a hole. Aku gak liat lubang itu. Motorku motor gigi, tapi apa yg kejadian di aku bisa kejadian di semua orang, gak peduli tipe motornya. But that information about my motorcycle type would be very important later on.
Aku gatau orang lain seperti apa, tapi harusnya kurang lebih sama. Kita akan naik, nyalain motor, angkat standard pake kaki, dan nanti habis standardnya naik, kakinya turun lagi dan menjejak ke permukaan tanah, atau aspal, lantai, apapun itu.
That's exactly what I did. However, instead of stepping on a solid surface, I stepped on that hole. Yeah, my left feet stepped on that hole, I slipped and I fell to my left because I couldn't balance the weight. I fell in front of probably 5-8 people with a loud bang. Everyone looked at me, and I tried to get up but I couldn't.
One patron who was still waiting for his turn and 2 passer-bys hurried to lift my motorcycle and help me get up. I repeat, they hurried.
Aku berdiri dan bilang terima kasih banyak sama satu mas-mas dan 2 mbak-mbak yang bantu angkat motorku, bantu aku berdiri, nyetandarin sama matiin motorku. Mereka memastikan aku bisa berdiri dan nggak apa-apa, habis itu si mas langsung balik antri dan 2 mbak-mbak tadi lanjut jalan kaki.
Kata Via suaranya keras banget. Dia buru-buru turun dan langsung ke arahku. Pas aku berdiri Via udah disitu, tanya, "Kamu gakpapa Vin? Suaranya keras banget, mana aku nggak bisa liat tadi banyak orang." Aku bilang aku gakpapa. Habis itu aku naik lagi ke motor, dan kali itu memastikan aku nggak nginjek di lubang tadi atau hal yang sama akan terulang. Aku bersiap buat u-turn buat ngarah balik ke kampus, dan pas aku mau pasang gigi 1 dari netral, barulah kerasa kalo giginya motorku geser.
Aku tadi bilang kalo motorku gigi. And that is the only thing that makes my fall was only a fall.
Motor udah nyala, tapi masih di netral. Jadi kalo di gas, motornya ngga akan maju.
Had I put in on gear 1, things could've been worse. I could've crashed into the motorcycle in front of me, or worse, the fence and wall in front of me. That made me so grateful, so so grateful.
Pas nyampe kampus, aku foto posisi gigi motorku yang bengkok/geser (lagi) trus aku kirim ke grup keluarga pas aku udah duduk di SH.
[foto gigi motor geser]
"Aku jatoh di deket nasi balap, pas naikin standar gak liat ada lubang."
"Jatoh ke kiri, dibantu org2"
"Giginya geser lagi"
"Gigi motor?"
"Iya"
Habis itu, aku gulung celana jins ku buat liat lutut sama area tulang kering. Di bagian lutut agak merah tapi gak lecet, yang aku yakin itu akan memar dalam beberapa hari ke depan. Di bagian tulang kering agak bawah juga aku yakin akan memar.
Tiba-tiba aku ditelpon papaku. Intinya Papa tanya, kejadiannya kek apa, dan kondisiku kaya apa habis jatoh. Aku bilang aku gakpapa, gigi motor geser. "Bukan gigiku, aku gakpapa," tambahku. "Mungkin lutut akan memar, tapi gak lecet."
(Gigi motor bengkok bukan kali pertama, waktu itu bengkok gara2 aku kepleset di depan rumah gara2 hujan. Gak pernah sadar kalo bengkok sampe aku servis motor hampir setahun kemudian. Tukang servisnya tanya, "Mbak pernah jatoh?" aku bilang nggak, tapi trus baru sadar, iya aku pernah jatoh, dan kejadiannya udah lewat hampir setahun. Akhirnya pas servis dibawa ke tukang las)
***
That was an act of kindness that I receive. Now, please allow me to share something that warms my heart. This happened a while ago. The date was June 12, 2022.
Itu hari Minggu. Papa sama Vivi lagi di Semarang, akan pulang siang itu. Karena cuma berdua, Mama suruh go-food aja. Akhirnya memutuskan buat beli nasi berkat. Pertamanya udah pesen 2, tapi trus Mama bilang, pesen satu lagi buat Papa yang bakal nyampe rumah sekitar jam 1. Udah mau aku order, Mama suruh aku order satu lagi, untuk si Bapak Gojek nya nanti. Akhirnya total pesen 4.
Long story short, driver ini nyampe depan rumah. Aku udah nungguin dengan satu plastik lain yg nanti mau buat porsi makan si bapak. Si bapak ngasih aku satu kresek isi 4 porsi makanan, aku bilang, "Tunggu sebentar ya Pak." Aku gatau si bapak ngeliatin aku kaya apa, tapi mungkin sambil bingung. Aku keluarin seporsi nasi berkat dan sendoknya trus aku masukin plastik, aku kasihin ke bapaknya.
"Pak, ini buat Bapak." kataku
Wajah si bapak bingung, tapi trus berubah jadi sumringah banget.
"Wah terima kasih banyak, Mbak. Alhamdulillah," begitu katanya
"Sama ini uang tipsnya ya, Pak," kataku sambil mengulurkan uang 5 ribu.
"Wah komplit, alhamdulillah. Terima kasih banyak ya, Mbak." Bapak itu senyum lebar banget, and it really warmed my heart.
"Sama-sama, Pak," ujarku sambil balik masuk ke rumah.
That smile in his face represents all the emotion I was feeling at the moment.
***
I think kindness is not rare -- it is so common that we just take it for granted."
"Being kind is a genuine act towards a person. Its her/his nature as a good person. while being nice depends on the given situation. you act nice though you dislike the person because he/she was nice to you.
You can fake to act nice. but you act kindly because you are really indeed a kind person."
And then there is this picture:
"Kindness is helping the young gal at the baggage claim get her large suitcase off as you watch yours go bye. Kindness is holding the door open for the person walking up behind. Kindness is letting the woman with young children cut ahead of you at the grocery checkout line. Kindness is helping an elderly couple change a tire alongside the rode. Kindness is buying a homeless guy lunch ahead of you because he's a short of cash to pay for it. Kindness is smiling and saying hello to the grumpy busdriver. Kindness is the act of making someone else's day a little better because of you. Kindness is something you do without expecting anything in return. I have learned as I have aged that it's the little things we do for each other that defines Kindness."
"Yes being nice is worth it. Especially if you are the type of person who is nice naturally and without thought, because that type of person usually feels like shit when they are unkind.
That being said, don't think you have to be too humble or a push-over. Stand up for your niceness (in a nice way) and make it one of your strengths."
And my personal favorite:
"Being nice: giving pleasure or satisfaction; pleasant or attractive.
Being nice can generally be quite deceptive. For example, if you meet someone who wants something out of you they will generally be “nice” in order to get their own way.
Being kind: having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature.
Here there is a very clear difference to niceness, note the word “nature” used in this definition. Kindness is generally in a person’s nature therefore it is usually more genuine and involves being selfless rather than being nice for an ulterior motive.
The moral of the story here is that anybody can be nice, but it takes a whole lot more in order to be kind." (https://qr.ae/pvoIyp)
The last one personally hits me right in the heart.
I am so grateful that I grow up in a family that taught me to be kind whenever I could. It's such a blessing that I have this trait: being kind.
I talked about this with my friend who told me that kind people doesn't even need to try. They are effortlessly kind, and other people know it. Nice things they do, there is no malice or other bad intention, their kindness is crystal clear. They are naturally kind, and it really takes a whole lot more in order to be kind.
If we can spread kindness, why don't we?
Or, at least don't be a rude human being, you know? Don't make someone else's life miserable, you know what I'm saying?
Tulisan ini mainly terinspirasi dari sebuah artikel BuzzFeed yang judulnya "17 Things That People Consider "Kindness" But Are Actually Just The Bare Minimum."
I stumbled upon that article on my Google feed, and it has haunted me ever since. We do have different culture with the western side of the world, but I can definitely still relate to some of them.
I'd share some of them that I definitely agree that, yeah, those are supposed to be basic human decency and not kindness.
"Being polite to retail and service workers. No idea how someone could just be openly rude to a complete stranger who’s just doing their job, but it’s tragically common."
"Helping someone pick something up that they dropped (no matter if they’re old or not)."
"Apologizing when you bump into someone on the street."
"Holding the door for f****** anyone."
"Letting an older person or someone who is disabled have your seat in the waiting room."
"Returning the money you saw a stranger drop." (or any stuff like a purse or wallet)
"Saying 'thank you' to anyone who has done a service for me, like a bus driver, barber, or doctor."
"Returning a shopping cart."
Those become so rare that now it is called kindness when it is supposed to be just basic human decency. The ones that I listed above are actions that I will always try doing on a day-to-day basis, and maybe you should too.
For the thank you and the retail/service worker ones, I know it is their job, but being nice to them is the least you can do and not make their day harder.
***
I am finishing this post right now, with me sitting in my recent favorite coffee shop in town, and that's something I will share next time. For now, I'd like to close this post with a question: will you be kind to everyone you meet? Or maybe not kind, but at least not rude, to whoever it is that interacting with you?
The world is in need of kind and great people. In the world where you couldn't find one, be one.
“The world is full of nice people. If you can't find one, be one.” -
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